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copywriting :: Internet Marketing :: Copywriting
Copywriting Makeover: Making An Emotional Connection - Part 2 of 2
In today's world, it seems that almost
any topic is open for debate. While I was gathering facts for this
article, I was quite surprised to find some of the issues I thought
were settled are actually still being openly discussed.
In part
one of this article series we began looking at the Cruise Vacation
Center site: a travel site whose copy was sorely lacking in emotional
appeal and visual imagry. (You can see the previous version of the copy
here: http://www.copywritingcourse.com/CruiseVacationCenter-Original.pdf.) In the conclusion, youll see how all the rewrite turned out and how exciting the end results have been.
The Rewrite
It took me a while to get started on this copy. Before I began
writing, I wanted to really be in the mood. I played around on the
vacation search feature of CVCs site and read all about some of the
places I have always wanted to go. I took my time and let my
imagination run wild while reading about the ports-of-call, the
activities, and the ships amenities.
When people shop for vacations, they are typically interested in
what theyll get first and they worry about the price second. They want
to feel and sense the experience of a vacation while reading about it
on a website or in a brochure. It sort of falls into the same category
as copywriting for brides.
Getting married, for most people anyway, is a limited experience.
Its not something you do every day. While a bride may be working on a
budget, she still loves to see the $10,000 Donna Karan gowns and
imagine herself in one. The same holds true for those planning a
vacation.
You usually only go on one vacation/holiday a year. Thats why we
dream. Its a limited experience. Something we plan for and look forward
to for months on end. So, while a vacation planner may not choose to
buy the king-sized, master, grand suite, all-inclusive, five-star
vacation trip around the world, s/he sure has fun reading about it and
imagining it. Why do you think shows like Lifestyles of the Rich and
Famous are so popular?
Once Id filled my mind with everything wonderful about cruise vacations, I was ready to tackle the copy.
Keyphrase inclusion was simple on this page. There was just one
keyphrase, cruise vacation. I used both the singular and plural forms
throughout the text. My challenge with the seo aspect of the copywriting was to keep the balance.
Normally, when there is just one keyphrase, there is a very high
tendency by most people to ram, shove, and squeeze the phrase into
every nook and cranny of the copy. I beg you resist that urge! As youll
see shortly, seo copywriting is NOT about forcing keyphrases into every possible slot.
And, of course, there was the matter of letting visitors know that
they would get a better bargain and save more on their luxury cruise if
they booked online.
Starting at the top, I changed the headline of:
Planning quality discount cruises for you since 1993!
to
Book Your Exotic Cruise Vacation Online and Get Rock-Bottom Prices to the Hottest Destinations
Next, I immediately began to entice the visitor with visions of what s/he could expect - from their vacation and from CVC.
Rather than talk about the company directly as the original copy did:
Dreaming of a cruise but don't want to pay full price? Cruise Vacation Center is one of the nation's largest cruise agencies.
I started the copy with this:
Just imagine youre walking along the deck of a grand cruise vessel
as it gently keeps rhythm with the waves. The sun is on your shoulders
and a soothing breeze wafts through your hair.
I continued to build the new copy with phrases like: wander your
way through the medieval castles, stunning gardens of the
Mediterranean, and oceanfront luau in Hawaii, while intermixing
statements including: deep discounts, book securely online, and so on.
All the while, I was dropping reminders to book online for the
biggest savings and offering explanations about why that would benefit
the visitor.
The call-to-action was designed to reinforce the idea that the
customer *could* get more vacation choices for their money with CVC.
You can see the end results for yourself at http://www.cruisevacationcenter.com.
The Results
Its fun to see how these makeovers turn out. What did my client
have to say? The response was astonishing and immediate. Weekend sales
tripled! Usually around 10 online books over the weekend. Last weekend
had 30! [Also], they re-indexed and the home page moved up [two
positions] for cruise vacation. It has a great lead-in on the search
page, too.
Man I just love my job!
by Karon Thackston © 2004
http://www.copywritingcourse.com
About The Author
Copy not getting results? Learn to write seo copy that impresses the engines and your visitors at http://www.copywritingcourse.com.
Be sure to also check out Karons latest e-report How To Increase
Keyword Saturation (Without Destroying the Flow of Your Copy) at http://www.copywritingcourse.com/keyword.
IF PUBLISHING ON A WEBSITE, USE THIS RESOURCE BOX:
Copy not getting results? Learn to write seo
copy that impresses the engines and your visitors with The Step-by-Step
Copywriting Course. Be sure to check out Karons latest e-report How To
Increase Keyword Saturation (Without Destroying the Flow of Your Copy),
too!
Now you can be a confident expert on seo. OK, maybe not
an expert. But you should have something to bring to the table next
time you join a discussion on seo.
We hope you found the information on this page useful and will return often to browse
the many articles throughout our site. We will be adding new material on an ongoing
basis in order to keep our visitors up to date on the latest promotion and marketing
information and tools that allow so many marketers to earn a full time living on the
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